make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
