i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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