last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
