thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
