Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize