There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
