the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
How external is "for external use only"?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
