no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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