Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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