I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
