Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
