What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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