i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
