he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
