Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize