I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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