I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
