Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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