I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
foreskin is a definite game changer
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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