he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
