don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
