sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
