Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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