I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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