I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize