There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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