Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
you had me at cake vodka
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
