K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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