So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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