I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
