He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
