he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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