you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
