I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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