there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
