i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
