question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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