yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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