Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wish you could order shots online.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
