11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
