your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
