It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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