My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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