I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
