apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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