dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
