Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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