oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
