There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
