a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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