I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
