Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.

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(905): View more from Toronto

I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..

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(415): View more from California

The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?

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(941): View more from Florida

My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.

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(585): View more from New York

I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.

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(207): View more from Maine

FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird

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(458): View more from Oregon

Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...

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