So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
