I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
