I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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