i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize