Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
