Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
