Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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