i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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