i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
