have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
