quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
