you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
