Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
another moral hangover. fuck.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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