Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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